ramblingsbyamy

When I took my stand against domestic abuse in June 2005, it was not even because of the abuse itself. My husband cheated on me and this is why I decided to kick him out.  Before that time, I had wanted to do it, but I did not because of fear. I was not because I feared he would hit me, it was the fear of not being able to support myself, the kids, and pay the bills. I feared being alone in this world.  

I also believed in the vows I took when we married long ago, the ‘in sickness and health’ part got to me in a big way. In 2000, my husband had his first mental breakdown, and while he was in the hospital, I had talked to a lawyer about a divorce. I thought I was ready to walk, but I was not. It was after five more years of learning all I could about bipolar which he was diagnosed as, lots of the other types of abuse (except for physical).

It was not my illness, he should have been learning as I did, and trying to heal himself. He would take his medications at times, but would decide he no longer needed them, so he would quit them and begin self-medicating. The kids and I deal with this, and it was not fair for any of us. I was not strong enough to take my stand because I was too wrapped up in the vows and the guilt he gave me when I tried to stand up.